


Close Enough to Hurt Me

by MsMKT86



Series: The Hockey and Heartbreak Universe [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Christmas Party, Drama, Drunken Judy Fabray, F/M, Future Fic, Other, POV Alternating, Scheming, Songfic, Thanksgiving Dinner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-10 05:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMKT86/pseuds/MsMKT86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10 years after Finn and Rachel split up after some time in NYC, he returns. Seeing him again, Rachel hopes to rekindle what they once had. Is a Finchel reunion in the cards or has Finn moved on? </p><p>- Set in the Hockey and Heart Break universe, After Don't Forget Me. You don't have to read H&H or DFM in order to enjoy this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flashback

**Author's Note:**

> ATTENTION ALL RACHEL AND/OR FINCHEL FANS
> 
> THIS IS A REPOST OF CHAPTER ONE! I WOULD LIKE YOU TO PLEASE USE YOUR EYES AND READ THE FOLLOWING WORDS VERY CAREFULLY. THEY ARE POSTED FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
> 
> A/N: If you are a Rachel/Finchel stan and you clicked this story, please heed my warning and hit the back button now. This is NOT the story for you.
> 
> I DO NOT want any hate filled comments (FROM GUESTS OR OTHERWISE) about how your feefees are hurt because of the way I'm writing the characters.
> 
> HEED MY WARNING!
> 
> Everyone else...thank you so much for reading. And as always COMMENTS and KUDOS = LOVE!

 As I stepped out into the brisk New York air ready to start my day. It started just like any other day. I woke up alone, had my usual breakfast, made my usual morning call to my dads. When I got outside the building, it felt different. Like today was going to be different. I walked a few blocks when my phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Rachel, where are you?” the frantic voice of Kurt Hummel said on the other end.

“I'm on my way, Kurt. Calm down. I'll get the coffee and be there soon.” I said trying to calm my friend down.

“Ok. Hurry up!” Kurt said. “Oh and Rachel I have to tell you something. I hope you'll be ok but...”

“Kurt? Hello?” I said into the phone. When I looked at it I saw the call was lost. I didn't bother calling him back. With my head down, and my feet moving quickly toward the nearest Starbucks I began to text Kurt. “Oh, sorry.” I mumbled to the person I ran directly into without taking a second look.

“Rachel?” a familiar voice said. I stopped in my tracks. I didn't turn to confirm that it was actually who I thought.

“Finn?” I whispered. I was suddenly having trouble breathing. I just stood there, with my back to him gripping my phone. 

“Are you going to look at me?” he asked. He was closer now. I took a deep breath and turned to face him. I was met with a large smile that reached his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I said trying to collect myself even though my insides were like a tsunami.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“I've been good. My show is coming to the end of it's run so I've already got a few auditions lined up.” I said, trying to keep myself from getting lost in his eyes.

“Oh that's cool. So where were you headed?”

“Uh, Starbucks.” I said. Why was I getting flustered? It's been ten years since I'd seen him. This shouldn't be weird. “I should go.”

“Oh, well I can come with.” he suggested. He started down the street in the opposite direction he was walking. I didn't move. The shock was still real. “Rachel, you coming?” he called out to me. I turned and joined him and we began to walk.

“How have you been, Finn?” I asked, trying to sound causal. 

“Great actually. A lot of new stuff going on. I'm just really happy, you know.” Finn said smiling at me. 

“Yeah. That's great.” I said. He held the door to the coffee shop open for me. As he read the board, my cell vibrated. It was a text from Kurt.

_“Hurry Rach. Got important news.”_ the text read. 

_“If it's about Finn, I'm ahead of you.”_ I text back rolling my eyes.

_“Are you alright?”_ I could feel Kurt's concern in the typed words.

_“Yes. At Starbucks. Be over later.”_ I answered. I slide my phone back into my purse and we stepped up the counter.

“Uh a Grande Pike Place Roast and a Tall Green Tea Latte.” Finn said to the barista. 

“I could have gotten mine.” I speak up.

“Nah. It's cool. I got it.” he said with a sweet smile. I smiled and grabbed a table. I didn't want to make it obvious that I was checking my hair and make up so I pulled out my phone. When I saw him coming with the drinks I put it away.

“Thank you.” I said taking my latte. “So what are you doing here?”

“Uh.” he said looking confused. “Having coffee with you.” he said with a slightly puzzled look on his face. 

“No. I meant in New York.” I said, unable to contain my chuckle.

“Oh. Well Kurt lives here.” he answered. I tried not to let my friendly smile falter when he made no mention of me. 

“That's sweet of you to visit him. I know how much you don't like the city.” I answered before taking a sip of my latte.

“I never said I didn't like the city.” he responded quietly. I didn't say anything. My mind was being flooded with memories of the past.

_“Rachel we really need to talk.” Finn said grabbing my hand as I walked into the apartment._

_“What about?” I asked._

_“You.” Finn said quietly._

_“What? What about me?” I asked, trying to hide the worry in my voice._

_“Look Rachel, I'm going home.” Finn stated. He wasn't looking me in the eye._

_“To visit?” I asked trying to make him look at me._

_“No. For good.” he answered, finally looking at me._

_“What? Why?” I asked snatching my hand away from him. The anger building in my body._

_“Being here, it's changed you Rachel. You don't care about me or us being together as a couple. All you care about is your stupid college friends.” Finn yelled._

_“I'm making connections, Finn. I need these people for my career.” I shouted back to him. “You don't get it!”_

_“No, you don't get it!” Finn roared. “What you promised me wouldn't happen when we left Lima is exactly what's happening!”_

_“What are you talking about?” I questioned him, folding my arms across my chest._

_“You promised me that I wouldn't just be your “trophy boyfriend”, but that's all I am to you. You show me off to your NYADA friends.” Finn said, lowering his voice. “Look, I'm just going to go.” He turned away from me and headed toward the door. I hadn't noticed his bags by the door when I first came in._

_“So that's it? You're just going to leave.” I said, standing in the middle of my living room._

_“Yeah. I'll call you.” he said without looking at me. He didn't say anything else. When he closed the door behind him the sound echoed through the apartment._

“Rachel? You ok?” I heard present day Finn's voice break into my memory.

“What? Yes, I'm fine.” I said with a small smile. “I'm sorry Finn.”

“What for?” he asked.

“For not treating you better.” I said quietly.

“It's fine Rach. It was a bad time for both of us. We thought we could make it work, but we couldn't. No need to be sorry. It's the past.” Finn answered grabbing my hand. I let out a deep sigh as I felt sparks when his hand touched mine.

“Um, what are you doing now?” I asked.

“I was supposed to be getting something for Kurt, but I can't remember what.” Finn said with a laugh. “So, I'm just gonna head back over there. You wanna share a cab?”

“Sure.” I said. We grabbed our drinks and went outside to hail a cab. 

 


	2. It's not a competition Rachel

"Hey you guys finally made it." Kurt said opening the door for us. Finn allowed me to enter first. "In the kitchen now." Kurt whispered in my ear when he hugged me. I removed my coat and entered the kitchen. "Hey, is something wrong? You're baking." I said when he joined me.

"Are you ok, Rachel?" Kurt asked. I could see the concern in his eyes and hear it in his voice.

"I'm fine. Why? What's going on Kurt?" I asked trying to hide my anxiousness.

"Oh Rachel." he said embracing me tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too. Are you leaving Blaine for me?" I teased, but he didn't laugh. He just hugged me tighter.

"Hey Kurt." Finn called from the large living room. "Where's Blaine?"

"Out." he answered. "Rachel I'll be right back." Kurt said leaving me standing confused in the kitchen. I checked the oven and the souffle smelled amazing. As I sat at the island Kurt returned.

"So what's going on?" I asked as Kurt busied himself.

"What did you and Finn talk about?" he asked not looking at me.

"Um, we exchanged pleasantries and talked a little bit about the past. It was nothing Kurt. It was a fifteen minute conversation." I explained, sticking my finger in the bowl of chocolate batter.

"So he didn't tell you?" Kurt said. This time he looked me in the eye. I returned his gaze and saw that the concern was still there.

"Tell me what?" I asked but before he could answer the front door opened.

"We're back." Blaine called through the house.

"We?" I asked. "Who was he with?" I leave the kitchen in time enough to see Finn kissing a dark skin woman on the lips. I grab my chest hoping that my lungs will start working again.

"Hey Rachel." Blaine said as he kissed me on the cheek and walked into the kitchen.

"Daddy." a small girl with honey colored skin said tugging on Finn's dark jeans. He picked her up and she hugged him. "Who's she?" she said pointing at me.

"That's Rachel." Finn answered carrying her over to me. He set her down in front of me. She wore a dark blue dress and a black pea coat. I figured she was short for her age. Her dark blue and black high top Jordans almost touching her black leggings with the lace at the bottoms. She had her dark brown hair in a long braid down her back with a black ribbon tied in a bow on the end. On top of head sat a metal tiara.

"Hi." she said sweetly extending her hand to me.

"Hello." I said shaking her little hand.

"I'm Princess Drizzy." she stated proudly. "It's very nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too. It's not very often that I'm in the presence of royalty." I said with a smile.

"Well my kingdom is far away from here, but Uncle Blaine said I get to come stay here in the summer time." she said merrily. "My mommy already said I could." she said pointing to the woman that was holding Finn's hand.

"That's great." I said.

"Hey Drizzy I think your Uncle Kurt is baking a chocolate cake." Finn said.

"Really?" she asked her father. "I gotta go Rachel. See ya later." she said waving as she ran toward the kitchen.

"She's beautiful. How old is she?" I said fighting back tears.

"Thanks. She's six. Uh Rachel Berry, this is Evianna." Finn said. "My wife." I inhaled sharply and shook her hand.

"It's nice to finally meet you Rachel." Evianna said sweetly. "I think between Finn, Kurt and Blaine, I feel like I know you."

"It's nice to meet you as well." I said. I couldn't help but stare at her. She was beautiful. She hand long silky black hair, deep black eyes that looked almost purple. Beautiful chocolate skin and a body with curves, something I had always admired.

"Um, how long have you two been married?" I asked.

"Seven years." Evianna answered with a smile. I smiled back and walked toward a chair. I gripped the top of it tightly. I needed to get away.

"Excuse me." I said as I rushed passed them and into the bathroom. Once I locked the door, I fell to the floor and the tears poured. He's married. He has a daughter. I'm here alone. Why is this happening? Why didn't he tell me before? Why did he let me get ambushed like that? Why did he hold my hand in the Starbucks? Questions kept rushing to head. My face was hot and I couldn't stop the tears.

"Rachel?" I hear Kurt's voice outside the door but I can't answer him. "Come on hun. Open the door." I reach up and unlock the door. He comes in and shuts the door behind him. "Oh sweetie." he said joining me on the floor, placing his arms around me.

"I'm ok. I'm ok." I keep repeating, tears still streaming down my face.

"I told him to tell you a long time ago." Kurt muttered. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this." I was to wrapped up in emotions to say anything else. I just lay my head on Kurt's shoulder and cried. "What can I do for you?"

"Kick Finn in the balls." I said with a small laugh finally getting control of myself.

"I don't think his wife would approve." Kurt joked.

"Kurt, she's beautiful. How am I supposed to compete with that?" I said picking myself up off the floor and looking at my puffy face in the mirror.

"It's not a competition Rachel." Kurt said standing and looking at me.

"I know." I said quietly dabbing Kurt's face cream under my eyes. "And Drizzy is so cute." I said changing the subject.

"Her name is Samantha actually." Kurt said rolling his eyes as he checked himself out in the mirror. "Samantha Drizzle Hudson."

"Really? She let him name her that?" I asked shocked.

"He told her about everything that happened with Quinn and about the name and she thought it was cute, so they used it." Kurt explained. "Blaine calls her Little Sammy D."

"That's cute." I said. Everything that was coming to my head I tried to push away but I couldn't. Seeing Finn again made me realize just how much I missed and loved him. All these years I've been waiting for him to come back to me and now he was here and I had a chance to try and fight for him. I had to go for it right? I know it's wrong but is there really any wrong in this case? I mean alls fair in love and war right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The OC, Evianna is based on my sister (Princess976). She loves Finn/Cory and she wanted to be in a fic of mine so here she is.


	3. Everyone loves her right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know it's been a while since I've updated. I'm sorry, but here is chapter 3.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> And as always, COMMENTS, KUDOS, BOOKMARKS and SUBSCRIPTIONS= LOVE! (they really do!)

When Kurt and I exited the bathroom and went back into the living room we found Finn kissing her.

"Gross guys." Kurt teased.

"Sorry Kurtsy." Evianna said with smile as she pulled away from Finn. "It's all Finn's fault."

"Stop lying!" Finn laughed as he pulled her into his lap. "Don't believe this one. She's the worst kind of liar. She tells the truth." she giggled as he tickled her. It took everything I had not to slap her, but that wasn't apart of the plan. I had to play it cool.

"Here you go Rachel." a little voice said from below me. I looked down and I saw Drizzle holding a slice of chocolate cake out to me. "Uncle Blaine let me cut this one myself."

"Aww thank you." I said kneeling down and taking the cake from her. "I'll save it for after dinner ok."

"Ok." she said hugging me tightly. She released me and ran back to the kitchen.

"Drizzy really likes you." Finn said as I took a seat in the living room.

"That's good. She's really sweet." I said with a small smile. "Are you guys going to stay for Thanksgiving?" I asked.

"Well I am." Finn answered. "Evi and Drizzy are going back to Lima for a few days but they should be back on the actual day."

"Oh why is that?" I asked.

"My parents want to see Sammy for the holiday. They understand how important Kurt is to Finn so that's the compromise we came up with." Evianna answered.

"It's all very grown up isn't?" Blaine said joining us in the living room. "Kurt and I can't even compromise on whether or not to serve turkey or whether we should jump head first into the turducken craze."

"If we're voting I vote turkey." Evianna said raising her hand. "Turducken is not cool Blaine. Not cool."

"Everyone's eating it." Blaine said.

"And that doesn't strike you as weird?" she asked. She and Blaine continued to debate the pros and cons of turducken when Finn arose from the couch and approached my chair.

"Can I talk to you?" he said. I smiled and nodded yes and followed him into the dining room.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I'm sorry." he blurted out.

"For what?"

"For not telling you about being married and Drizzy. I'm sorry." he said.

"It's ok. You didn't owe me any kind of update on your life." I said in a sweet voice.

"I'm really sorry Rach." Finn said as he wrapped me up in a hug. I returned his hug. I missed his arms around me. It felt like home. "I don't want this to be weird."

"No weirdness Finn." I said with a fake smile hoping that it covered my lie. There was a a boat load of weirdness but I would work through it to get Finn back. "So what are you going to do when Evianna and Drizzy go back to Lima?"

"Hang out here I guess." he answered.

"Well you know I live in New York too." I said smiling.

"I know I just thought you'd be busy. You know with your friends or your boyfriend." he said.

"No boyfriend and most of my friends don't live in the city." I answered. "It's just me."

"Well we can hang out. Catch up you know." he said with a smile. I nodded yes and smiled back.

"Dinner is served." Kurt said as he, Blaine and Evianna entered the dining room carrying dishes full of food.

XXXXXXX

Dinner was full of stories of our high school days and Finn's new life.

"Rachel and Mercedes had one of the best Diva-Offs the glee club had ever heard." Finn said. "They were amazing!"

"It was so much fun." I said. "Mercedes always had a way of challenging me to do better than my best."

"Yeah she's great like that." Evianna said with a smile. The smile dropped from Finn's face and he just stared down in his plate.

I looked at Kurt and Blaine but they refused to make eye contact. Evianna must not have noticed the awkwardness because she conintued talking.

"She is the best friend I've ever had. Ever since Mercedes, Quinn and Tina came into my life, I've learned what real friendship is." she said with a big smile, wiping a tear from her eye.

"That's great." I said quietly. Inside I was raging. Everyone knew about her. They befriended her. I can barely get these people to return my emails and they're her best friends. I'm not surprised really. They were all always jealous of me and my talent so of course they would flock toward someone who has no on the surface talent. I snapped out of my thoughts when Finn spoke.

"Yeah well I'm ready for dessert." he said.

"There is a chocolate souffle, chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies." Kurt said.

"Just chocolate?" Blaine asked.

"Is there anything else." Kurt responded. Everyone laughed as Kurt kissed Blaine on the cheek and left to retrieve the desserts.

"I'm going to help him." I said. I followed Kurt to the kitchen and closed the door behind me. "Everyone loves her right?"

"What?" Kurt asked he hurried around the kitchen collecting plates, knives and flatware.

"Evianna. Everyone from the glee club loves her."

"Well Rach we've known her for about eight years. She's Finn's wife and she's apart of our family now." Kurt explained.

"I was just asking Kurt." I said as I picked up the cookies. "She seems really great."

"Rachel what's going on in your head?" Kurt inquired.

"What? Nothing." I lied. My mind was full of resentment. She managed to befriend people that I tried to get to like me for four years but I was always just solo grubbing Rachel Berry. It didn't matter if I had changed even a spec I was still the same girl to them. "I just remembered I left my slice of cake from Drizzy in the living room." I said as I pushed out of the kitchen door open.

 


	4. I Made a Mistake

'It's wrong to hate Evianna Rachel.' I kept telling myself as I let the hot water of my shower run over me. I know that it was wrong to hate her because I didn't know her that well but she has what I want. She's just one more person in Rachel Berry's life that's taken what you deserve.

"Maybe you're being a bit bitchy and over dramatic." I said aloud as I enter into the living room in my towel brushing my hair.

"Bitchy and over dramatic about what?" I hear Finn's voice say from behind me. I let out a scream and pull my towel closer to my body.

"Oh my god Finn! How'd you get in here?" I shouted.

"Kurt gave me the key." he said laughing. "Are you ok? Why are you so red?"

"I'm in a towel Finn. Just let me go get dressed." I said still pulling my towel, making sure my body was covered.

"Come on Rach. I've seen you more naked than that. Besides what's one boob between friends." he joked.

"Wow. You sound more and more like Noah all the time." I said rolling my eyes before going to my bedroom to get dressed.

* * *

 

"So what are you doing here?" I asked joining Finn on the couch.

"Well let's see. My girls are gone and I couldn't take one more discussion about pleated or rolled napkins." Finn answered.

"Ohh. Ok. Well what do you want to do?" I asked with a smile.

"Anything. I'm yours all day. Let's do it." He said returning my smile.

"Let's go to F.A.O. Schwartz." I said happily.

"Isn't that like a toy store?" Finn asked.

"No. It's not just a toy store. It's a world famous toy story. It's been in movies Finn." I said trying to convince him of the coolness of the place.

"I believe you Rachel, jut don't expect me to have fun." Finn said. I began to pout. "Trust me. I've been in my share of toy stores. They're all the same. I just don't want you to, you know think you had this great idea when it's not going to work."

"Let's go. You'll see." I said pulling him by the hand out of the apartment.

* * *

 

"This is a toy store?" Finn asked trying to hide the excitement in his voice when we arrived.

"Yeah. I promise you it's fun." I said pulling him along. I started to see the boyish Finn that I loved so many years ago return as we explored the store. He was so amused at how there toys in there from when he was a child.

"Thanks for this Rachel." he said pulling me into a hug. He smelled like Cool Water and memories.

"You're welcome. I just wanted you to get your mind off being alone for a little while." I said into his chest.

"You hungry?" he asked.

"Yeah. Let's go back to my place. I still have some leftovers." I said. He smiled and I followed him out of the store.

* * *

 

"Rachel what are all of these DVDs?" Finn called from the living room.

"Which ones? I yell back.

"These ones in these pink cases." he said bringing a handful of them into the kitchen.

"Oh. Nothing." I said embarrassed.

"Tell me."

"It's really nothing." I said blushing.

"If you don't tell me I'm going to put one in." Finn said teasingly.

"They're old performances." I blurted out.

"Like from Broadway?" he asked.

"Uh no. McKinley." I whispered.

"The New Directions!" he said excitedly. "We've gotta watch them!" I gave him a big smile and I carried the trays of food into the living room.

"Put this one in." I said.

"Ok. Which one is this?" he asked.

"You'll see." I said sweetly. He joined me on the couch. I watched as he eyes grew large and began to tear up.

"This is...uh is...is..." he stammered fighting back tears. "This is Nationals. Our Senior year."

"Yeah. I watch this one a lot." I said quietly.

"I would to." he whispered, his eyes glued to the TV. "That was so amazing."

"I know. It was special. We were finally special." I said.

"You were always special Rach. You know that." Finn said looking at me.

"Yeah I guess." I said quietly, looking at the TV.

"Rachel." He said grabbing my hand. "You were special. You  _are_  special."

"Finn..." I started but he stopped me.

"You know you are. All of your dreams came true Rachel. NYADA, New York, Broadway, being a star. It all happened." he said.

"Not all my dreams came true." I whispered. He squeezed my hand and gave me a sweet smile.

"I wasn't a dream. I was a familiarity." Finn said. I began to cry. He pulled me into his arms and tried to shush me and console me. "I didn't meant to hurt you."

"You didn't." I said wiping a tear from my eye. He gave me that classic Finn crooked smile and I couldn't make myself resist. I leaned up and kissed him. It felt like fireworks.

"Rachel what the hell are you doing?" Finn shouted, pushing me away from him.

"I thought...I just thought..." I began.

"You thought what? That because I was being nice to you and wanting to start our friendship over that it was ok to kiss me?" Finn yelled. He gathered his things and left.

* * *

 

"Rachel what the hell is wrong with you?" Kurt yelled at me through the phone.

"I made a mistake." I said.

"You think? I told you that he was married." Kurt said angrily.

"I messed up Kurt. Ok? His wife doesn't have to know anything he doesn't want her to know." I said.

"Listen to me ok. This is probably going to make your sting of rejection worse but this is one of the reasons Finn decided not to invite you to his wedding." Kurt said.

"What?"

"You would have a made a scene in front of everyone attending if he had danced with you." Kurt said.

"Look Kurt, I told you. I made a mistake. I read the situation wrong and everything turned out wrong. You don't have to call me and lecture me at 9:30 in the morning. I'm not a little girl." I said rolling over in bed.

"Maybe when you stop acting like a little girl I would be able to stop treating you like one. We're not in high school anymore and Finn's not married in some project for some stupid class. This is real life and I'll be damned if I let  _you_  get in the way of my brother being finally happy." Kurt said angrily before I heard the click.


	5. I'm Ruthless

"Hey." I said answering the phone. "I'm really glad you called Finn."

"Rachel don't talk. I need to say this." He said. I heard him take a deep breath. "Can we meet?"

"Yeah of course." I said confused.

"Can I come over?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Good. Open the door." he said. I walked to the door and saw him standing there. His face was stressed.

"Come in." I said.

"Thanks." he said rushing past me. "Look Rachel I'm sorry." Finn said.

"For what?" I asked folding my arms across my chest.

"Being a jerk yesterday." he said. "I know that it was probably my fault."

"Finn wait. I'm..."

"No wait I'm not done. Rachel, I'm not sure what I did or said yesterday but I did mean what I said you know. I do only want to be friends with you. I can only be friends with you." he said pacing.

"Finn I know." I said grabbing his arms stopping him.

"No you don't Rachel. You have no idea. I shouldn't even be here." Finn said looking me in the eye. "I know that I freaked out on you about kissing me but that didn't mean I wanted you to stop. Which is wrong and I know that."

"You didn't want me to stop?" I whispered.

"Do you remember when me and you were staking out Quinn and Sam in that motel?" Finn asked.

"Yeah."

"And I asked you about karma?"

"I remember."

"Well karma is going to get me back big time for this." Finn said sadly.

"No. No Finn, it'll be ok." I said.

"Rachel, look." he said taking a step away from me. "I'm going to tell Evianna about what happened. I can't keep it from her. I'm sorry."

"Finn are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked trying to sound concerned when on the inside I was excited. If he tells his wife she'll leave him and he and I will be able to get back together, but I have to play it cool. I have to let him do everything.

"Yes I'm sure. I can't keep something like this from her." he said. "She deserves to know. Listen, I just wanted to come over here and tell you that what happened yesterday isn't  _ever_  going to happen again. I'll admit that it was surprisingly nice but I love my wife."

"I understand Finn. I want to say I'm sorry too." I said. "I know that I read our entire day wrong. I thought that there were signs where there weren't."

"It's fine Rachel, but there is something you need to understand alright. I'm not the same Finn you knew in high school. I'm not going to cheat. All that does is hurt people and Evi and Drizzy are the two most important people in my life. I'm never going to do anything to hurt them." he said sternly.

"I understand." I said quietly.

"I better go. I just had to say all of that." he said turning toward the door. "I really am sorry if I lead you on. You know that I wouldn't do that, not on purpose anyway."

"I know. It's ok. It was more my fault than yours anyway." I said holding the door open.

"Bye Rach." he said as I closed the door behind him.

* * *

 

It had been a few days since my conversation with Finn. He wasn't answering my calls or my texts but I figured he was just stressing about telling his wife when she got back into town.

"I'm coming." I yelled to the person knocking on my door. "Evianna." I was surprised to see her. She wasn't due back in New York for another two days.

"Hi Rachel. May I come in?" she asked with a small smile.

"Sure." I said stepping aside allowing her in. She stepped in past me and when I turned after closing the door she was facing me. "How can I help you?"

"I'm going to be really brief ok. I know what happened between you and my husband." she began. "I understand how he could still have feelings for you, being high school sweethearts and all that but it was _one_  flash in the pan moment." she said in a serious tone. "That one kiss. That one mistake was not a suggestion or an invitation for you to actively pursue him."

"Evianna, I have no intention in pursuing Finn." I said trying to sound as convincing as I could.

"Rachel, I've known plenty of bitches like you. I know that you say one thing." she said taking a few steps until she was right in my face. "But in that dark, twisted, warped mind of yours you are plotting ways to get in between Finn and I."

"That's not true." I protested.

"It better not be Ms. Berry." she said taking a step back. "Because if I find out that it is the truth, the wrath that will rain down on you will be like nothing you have ever experienced." she said looking me square in the eye. "Do you understand sweetie?" she asked sweetly, brushing the hair off my shoulder.

"Yes." I whispered.

"Good." she said with a sweet smile. "Because when it comes to preserving my marriage and my family," she said letting herself out of the apartment. "I'm ruthless." Those were the last words she said before shutting the door. I was in complete shock. What was I supposed to do now?


	6. It's Not Even an Issue

The banging at the door woke me up. I rolled out of bed and hurried to answer it.

"Really Berry?" Santana asked when I swung the door open.

"What?" I asked. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Apparently you learned nothing from me." Quinn said as she, Mercedes, Santana and Tina entered my apartment.

"What are you talking about?" I asked shutting the door.

"Cut the bullshit Rachel. We all know you kissed Finn." Mercedes said.

"Yeah. What were you thinking?" Tina questioned.

"It just happened." I said brushing past my old friends. "I know it was a mistake."

"Do you?" Quinn asked.

"Yes of course I do." I said.

"You better be for real about that Berry because Evi doesn't play that shit." Mercedes stated.

"Yeah I got that feeling when she came over here a few days ago." I said flopping down on the couch, the other girls around me.

"Can I just ask why?" Tina asked. "Why would you kiss him?"

"I thought I saw signs. I just misread everything." I said quietly.

"Damn right you did." Santana said. "Honestly I'm surprised you're still standing."

"I don't understand."

"Let me tell you a little story, ok. Once upon a time in a little place on the wrong side of the tracks, a little place called Lima Heights Adjacent." Santana began. "Many, many years ago little girl named Evianna who had loaded parents moved to fair LHA. They moved next door the the Lopezes."

"You already knew Evianna?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why didn't she go to McKinley?"

"Her parents sent her to Crawford County Day School." Santana answered.

"Oh. Well all of this is just a big misunderstanding." I said.

"It better be Rachel." Mercedes said.

"You guys don't have to keep saying that. It better be. It was. I made a mistake. Am I not allowed?" I asked indignantly.

"Rachel when you make a mistake terrible things happen." Tina said with a shrug. I just looked at her. That's wasn't the truth. People just always blew everything out of proportion.

"Look we just wanted to tell you that whatever game you're playing to just stop while you're ahead. It will only turn out badly." Mercedes said patting me on the arm.

"Yeah." Quinn said. "Anything that you  _think_  you're feeling is definitely one-sided and it's not worth the blow up that will happen if you pursue them."

"I know all of that." I said. In fact, I did know all of that, but I also knew something that they didn't know. Finn was beginning to have feeling for me again an no matter what the girls, Kurt or Evianna said I was going to get back together with him.

"Good. Why don't you get dressed and we'll all head back over to Kurt and Blaine's." Mercedes said giving me a hug.

"Ok. I'll be ready soon."

* * *

 

When we got to Kurt and Blaine's we could hear the boys from outside.

"Finally!" Kurt said opening the door pulling us all inside. "There is way too much testosterone in here."

"Brittany's here." Santana said shrugging out of her coat.

"Who do you think started the arm wrestling contest?" Kurt said pointing to the living room as they walked by.

"That's my girl." Santana joked.

"Hey Rachel." Sam called to me before I entered the kitchen with the rest of the girls.

"Hi." I said. "You look really good."

"Thanks." he said a light flush rushing to his cheeks as he stroked his beard and pushed his rectangle frame glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Uh, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah sure." I said walking into the dining room with him. "What's up?"

"You gotta stop perusing Finn." he blurted out.

"So I'm assuming everyone knows." I said.

"Yeah so I'm telling you to stop." Sam said.

"I'm not perusing him. I made a mistake." I said folding my arms across my chest.

"Rachel save that for someone who doesn't know you. You don't just give up on things. I saw you chase after Finn back in high school when he was with Quinn." Sam said. "I'm just saying that now things are different."

"Do you really think I'm that horrible?" I asked not expecting an answer.

"No, but your past speaks for itself." Sam said with a shrug. "Just back off ok."

"It's not even an issue." I said. He patted me on the shoulder and left me alone. Why couldn't they understand that I wasn't going to try to take Finn. I was just going to try to get him to see that he made the wrong choice. What was so wrong with that?

 


	7. Good. That makes me happy.

When I entered the kitchen all the girls were laughing and preparing dinner.

"What'd I miss?" I asked taking a seat beside Mercedes at the island.

"Quinn was just telling us how she stole her boyfriend from some girl." Mercedes said laughing.

"I didn't steal him." Quinn said playfully slapping Mercedes on the arm. "I merely pointed out that I would be the better choice."

"You stole him!" Mercedes and Santana said at the same time. Everyone laughed.

"You can't steal a happy man." Kurt pointed out.

"Preach!" Sugar said throwing up a praise hand.

"Exactly." Quinn said with a chuckle. "I just saw what I wanted, planted seeds of doubt, which in a wacky turn of events turned out to be true, and waited for him to come to me."

"You stole that man. I don't care what ya'll say." Mercedes laughed.

"Oh my god." Tina said suddenly.

"What?" Kurt asked. "What's wrong?"

"We are becoming our husbands." she said.

"Huh?" Santana said. "I don't think you guys can grow that part Tina."

"See?" Tina said. "Santana's loopy comment, Sugar with the preach and the praise hand and Mercedes with the ya'll." Everyone one roared with laughter.

"We need to get together more often." Mercedes said.

"Yeah all of us." Quinn said. "Where's Lauren?"

"Her and Puck each had a show but they should be here tomorrow for Thanksgiving." Kurt answered. "Evi should be back in a little while. Finn told her about this big ass bear at F.A.O. Schwartz that he had to order and it just came in."

"Why does your brother insist on buying my goddaughter stuffed animals that are taller than Rachel?" Mercedes teased.

"Hey!" I said. "Sugar's shorter than me."

"Not in my Loubs." Sugar said in a sing songy voice putting her foot on the table to show off her red soles.

"So who are you dating?" I asked Quinn.

"Craig Manning." she answered smiling.

"Wait. He's Canadian right?"

"Yeah. He lives in L.A. now though."

"That's cool. How'd you meet?" I asked.

"I was at an event and his girlfriend at the time, Elle Nash, was interviewing me." Quinn said. "That was actually the first time I told him that I thought she was cheating."

"Wait wait wait." Santana said. "You actually said to this guy, the first time meeting him, that you think his girlfriend is cheating."

"Not in so many words." Quinn said blushing. "Look, Craig and I started talking and it was like we had known each other for years. I've told him everything about my past and he's told me about his. There are no secrets between us."

"I understand that completely." Mercedes and Kurt said sweetly.

I knew what she meant too. Finn and I had always been attracted to each other. That's why he kissed me in the auditorium. We didn't have any secrets either. That's why I had to tell him about Puck and Quinn. It was the right thing to do and that's the way we'll get together again. I just have to find out Evianna's secrets and tell Finn. He'll be so grateful and see that I never had any secrets and he'll come back to me. I know it.

XXXXX

"Hello?" I heard Evianna answer her cell phone. "No, I'm at Finn's brother's." she said. Rachel had no idea who she was talking to but she was hoping that if she kept listening then she would find out. "I don't know." Evianna laughed. "We'll you know he's dumber than sand Ricky."

 _'Ricky? Who is that?'_  I thought to myself.

"Yeah I know. I can't wait to see you either." Evianna said smiling. Rachel covered her mouth to keep her gasp from escaping. "No of course I haven't told him. It'll be Christmas and Finn would freak." Evianna laughed.

 _'I can't believe it!"_ Ithought.  _'She's cheating on Finn!'_

"Listen Ricky, it'll be better this way. No, let's just wait til Christmas."

_'I have to tell him. I can't let him get hurt on Christmas. It's his favorite holiday.'_

"Yeah alright. I love you too. I'll talk to you later." Evianna said ending the call and joining the rest of the group.

_'I have to figure out a way to tell Finn. I have to make sure that she doesn't hurt him. If he gets cheated on again he might just break. How should I break it to him? I have to be gentle but firm. I know that he won't believe me at first but I know that he'll see that I would never lie to him about something like this.'_

"Hey Rach." Finn said walking toward me.

"Hi Finn." I said smiling.

"You ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine. How are you?" I asked searching his face.

"I'm great." Finn answered beaming.

"How are things? You know with your life?"

"Awesome. I have my wife, my baby girl and all my friends. This is definitely one of the best Thanksgivings I've ever had." he said.

"Am I counted as one of your friends?" I asked looking down at the floor.

"Yeah. I mean I know that I was mad and that, you know, what happened shouldn't have but it was partly my fault so I can't really be mad at you for getting mixed up about the whole thing." Finn said giving me a crooked smile.

"Good. That makes me happy."

"Good. You really shouldn't worry Rachel. I've forgiven people for doing a lot worse to me." Finn said glancing over at Puck and Quinn who were exchanging pictures of Beth.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Well I'll talk to you later." Finn said. I waved goodbye as he disappeared into the kitchen.

 _'I have to do this right.'_ I thought.  _'There is a chance that he'll forgive her. I mean he forgave me and Quinn and we both cheated on him. But it's different this time right? I mean they're married. They have a family. Like Kurt said, this isn't high school it's real life and if I do this right then there is_ _no way that Finn will ever forgive her. She'll be gone and Finn and I can get back together and I can help him raise Drizzy when it's his turn to see her.'_  That thought brought a smile to my face.


	8. I'm Finn Hudson, of course something like this happened

"Finn, I need to talk to you." I said. I was going to wait until after dinner, but this was important.

"What's up Rach?" Finn asked. He was smiling at me and all of a sudden I couldn't do it. Not right now.

"Um not now." I said. "After dinner."

"Sure." he said leading me to the dining room. I felt all eyes on me. I figured it was because I followed Finn in.

"Hi Lauren. Puck." I said smiling, ignoring their stares.

"Hey Berry." Lauren said with a large fake smile.

"So is dinner ready yet?" Mercedes asked Blaine who was glancing down at his watch.

"I hope so." he said with another glance. "Oh and for those of you who were worried, we will be serving turkey."

"Good." Evianna, Santana and Mercedes said at the same time. Everyone laughed.

"Ya'll can laugh if you want to but Turducken looks and sounds creepy." Mercedes said. "Birds being stuffed into other birds is creepy."

"Preach." Artie said from the end of the table. Everyone laughed about that stupid Turducken. I just wanted dinner to be over. I needed to tell Finn about the phone call I heard Evianna on.

"Dinner is served." Kurt's chipper voice said as he pushed the door open he was holding a gigantic turkey.

Dinner was uneventful. Everyone laughed about memories of our old New Directions days and they all warmly welcomed Craig into their little group with open arms. Blaine was happy to have finally met Craig because he was such a big fan. I guess Craig is an ok musician if you like that kind of thing.

"You're being awfully quiet over there Rachel." Quinn said from across the table.

"Sorry. I was just thinking." I said.

"Well ladies, Blaine and the boys are going to do the dishes, so if you'll follow me into the living room." Kurt said rising from his chair. All of the girls followed him but I hung back. I had to talk to Finn. He and I were the last two people in the dining room when I finally spoke.

"Finn."

"Oh that's right. What's up Rach?" he asked setting the dishes he was holding back on the table.

"I heard Evianna on the phone." I blurted out.

"So?"  
"With a man."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his jaw clenched.

"I heard her saying she could wait to see him and that you didn't need to know about it yet. I'm not sure if I heard a name but I think it might have been Ricky, I'm sorry I can't remember for sure but she called you stupid Finn. I had to tell you." I explained. He was completely silent. I grabbed his hand. He squeezed mine once and bolted from the room.

"You ok Finn?" I hear Evianna ask as I entered the living room.

"Don't talk to me." he said angrily.

"What?" Evianna asked confused. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Kurt, thanks for dinner. I gotta go." Finn mutter as he pulled his coat on and bolted out of the apartment. Everyone's eyes were instantly on me.

"I blame Rachel." Santana said turning away from me.

"Why? What did I do?" I asked.

"I don't know but I'm sure you did something." she said crossing her arms.

"Rachel come here." Kurt said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the empty dining room. "What the hell just happened?"

"Maybe you should be asking Finn and Evianna that." I said.

"I told you to back off."

"And I did."

"Then tell me why my brother just stormed out here and is probably going to ruin his life?" Kurt exploded.

"I can't." I said quietly.

"You need to go." Kurt said looking away from me.

"Kurt?"

"Get out Rachel." he said. "Now." I didn't speak again. I left the dining room, shrugged into my coat and left the apartment.

XXX

_I can't believe this. Wait, yes I can. I'm Finn Hudson, of course something like this happened. That's the story of my life. I get something good and for some reason the universe can't let me just be happy. I have to keep paying for the sins I committed in the past._

_The hardest part of all of this is that I thought that Evi was different. She wasn't Quinn where I never exactly knew where I stood and she wasn't Rachel where she controlled everything that I did because she had to make sure that I didn't do or say anything stupid. Evianna treated me like Finn. Flaws and all. I had never had that, so maybe all of this is my fault. I know the rules: Finn Hudson isn't allowed to have perfection._

"Mr. Hudson?" a voice said interrupting my train of thought.

"Yeah." I said looking down at the girl behind the counter.

"Here's your credit card." she said with a smile, sliding the card back to me.

"Thank you." I said grabbing the card off the counter. "How long until take off?"

"Twenty-five minutes." she said said happily.

"Thank you." I said giving her a brief smile. I grabbed my things and took a seat. When I sat down I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

"Hello?" I said glumly.

"Finn are you ok?" Rachel's voice asked me on the other line.

"Yeah. I guess. I'm going back to Lima. Don't tell Kurt." I said.

"I don't he's talking to me, so that won't be a problem." she said. "I'm sorry about what happened."

"Don't be. I'll talk to you later." I said hanging up not giving her a chance to say goodbye.

Xxx

"What the hell are you doing here?" Burt asked when he opened the door.

"I needed to see you." I said inching past him into the house.

"Is this about what happened in New York?" he asked sitting in his recliner.

"Did Kurt call you?" I asked taking a seat on the couch.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"He shouldn't have done that."

"And you shouldn't have ran away."

"I didn't run away." I muttered. "I left because I heard something and I couldn't stay there anymore."

"What?"

"Evianna is cheating on me." I blurted out.

"How do you know?" Burt asked sitting up in his chair.

"Someone told me." I answered, twirling my thumbs.

"Yeah but Finn, how do  _you_  know?"Burt asked.

"What?"

"You said someone told you but did you asked Evi about what you heard?"

"I don't need to ask her." I said. "It was an inevitably."

"Why do you say that?"

"Have you ever been in a situation where you know you should be constantly on your guard waiting for the other shoe to drop but you get blinded that other things and then the shoe finally drops and crushes you?"

"Yeah I have but I didn't run away from what was happening." Burt said. "When I was ten years old me and my buddy Enzo were next door neighbors and one day the most beautiful girl that either of us had seen up to that point moved into the house across the street. Naturally, she liked me." he said with a chuckle. "So me and this girl are dating, and after about a month or so Enzo just kinda disappeared. He didn't come over and he didn't call me anymore and he avoided me in school, so one day after school I went over to the girl's house and her mom told me that she wasn't home and that I shouldn't come back anymore. So obviously I was devastated. I went over to Enzo's to get some friendly comfort you know and when I get there she's in his living room watching TV and holding his hand." Burt said.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"I'm not finished. Come to find out, Enzo was giving my girl cookies and inviting her over to his house everyday and they were dating behind my back." Burt explained. "So when he and I were about fifteen or sixteen, the exact same thing happened, except this time, the girl only dated me to get to Enzo."

"Well, I don't understand what you're trying to tell me and why are you still friends with that guy?" I asked.

" Because he married the second girl and I never let anyone get in between me and the people I loved. And I'm trying to tell you that you were talking about the other shoe dropping but what if something about this situation is different?"

"But it's not."

"But how do  _you_  know that? You haven't talked to your wife." Burt said patting my leg. "I'm heading to bed." he said getting up. "You can stay here tonight but you need to go back to New York and work through your problems."

"Thanks Burt." I said.

"No problem Finn." he said with a smile. "I love you, son."

"Love you too, pop." I said with a crooked smile. Burt waved to me and headed upstairs.


	9. Whatever dude. I'm gone.

"What are you doing here Finn?" Santana asked me as she opened the door of Rachel's apartment.

"I came to see Rachel." I said trying to get past her.

"Aww well, too bad because she's not the bitch you need to see right now." Santana said with her arms folded tightly across her chest blocking the doorway.

"I don't want to see Evianna right now." I said angrily.

"Well too bad." Santana said.

"You have no idea what's going on Santana." I said. "I know that you've never cared about me..."

"That's not true." she said indignantly.

"But can you for ten minutes try and show some concern about me." I continued ignoring her comment.

"Listen Finn, I have always cared about you. You're my friend. Ok so yeah, I never missed an opportunity to mention the fact that you had weird puffy pyramid nipples or the fact you look like the slightly slimmer brother of the Michelin Man but that didn't mean I didn't care about you." she said matter-of-factly. "That's how I show love. You should have been worried if I stopped doing that."

"Santana, I'm sure that makes sense to you but can you just tell Rachel I'm here." I said.

"No!" Santana said. "Go see your wife Finnocence."

"Whatever. Way to care there Santana." I said as I stormed out of the building.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Who was that?" I asked coming out of my bedroom. "I heard voices."

"I didn't know him." Santana said shutting the door.

"God, I hope it wasn't that creepy guy across the hall." I said joining Mercedes, Quinn and Tina on the couch. "He keeps leaving me these gold star ornaments on the doorknob."

"Why?" Santana asked plopping down on the chair.

"I just said he was creepy." I said and all the girls laughed.

"So Rachel, what is going on?" Mercedes asked. "Finn and Evi fight but they always resolve it, so what the hell happened to make him just leave like that?"

"I don't think I should say anything." I said.

"Why not?" Quinn asked. "The damage is already done."

"But still, it's not my business and I shouldn't be spreading gossip." Rachel said.

"Bitch please!" Santana said. "All of this shit started because you were spreading gossip."

"Santana..." I began but she cut me off.

"Just spill already Berry." she said. "We all know you had something to do with it." I pulled my legs up to my chest and took a deep breath.

"I heard Evianna on the phone with a guy." I said quietly. All the girls sat in silence.

"So?" Mercedes questioned breaking the silence.

"She was making plans to meet up with this guy at Christmas." I said.

"Am I the only one not getting why Finn flipped out?" Tina asked looking at all of them.

"Christmas you guys." I said exasperatedly. They all just looked at me. "It's Finn's favorite holiday." I said.

"Oh!" they all said.

"I just didn't want Finn to find out that she was hooking up with someone else on his favorite holiday." I explained. "I mean it would have killed him."

"Do you know full of shit and childish that sounds?" Mercedes asked.

"What?" I asked shocked. I wasn't lying about that. I didn't want Finn to find out that his wife was cheating on him on Christmas.

"I didn't want Finn to hate Christmas so I told him on another national holiday." Quinn said.

"But at least it wasn't favorite." Tina said shrugging.

"That is some childish shit." Mercedes said.

"It wasn't just about the holiday." I said. "I just didn't want him to be hurt at all."

"Rachel, what makes you think that you know anything about what's going on in their private lives." Santana asked.

"I don't but I know what I heard." I said plainly.

"What you heard?" Tina asked.

"I heard her on the phone." I said with a sigh.

"Really Rachel?" Mercedes asked but her eyes were on Santana.

"What?"

"You heard one side of a conversation and you ran and told Finn that she was cheating on him." Santana yelled. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I know what secret phone calls to a lover for a secret rendezvous sound like." I said.

"This isn't something in one of your scripts, Rachel." Tina said.

"This is real life." Quinn added.

"I know that." I said rolling my eyes. " _That's_  why I told him."

"Stop talking." Mercedes said. "You need to tell Finn that you're not sure what you heard and that he needs to fix this."

"I can't make him do something he doesn't want to do." I said.

"Rachel, this isn't an option." Santana said. "You broke this shit so you're gonna be the one to fix it." I didn't say anything else. I just sat in silence. They talked around me about the Christmas party that Mrs. Fabray was having and the things that they were getting their significant others. My thoughts were on Finn. I know him better than they do. I know that no matter what I say, that he is going to have to find out that I'm telling the truth on his own. In his own time. Santana, Mercedes, Tina and Quinn didn't know Finn they way I did. No one did.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You are aware it's like 8:30 in the morning." Puck said swinging the door to his hotel suite wide open.

"Yeah. I know." I said my duffel bag slung over my shoulder.

"Evi didn't let you stay at Kurt's?" Puck asked as I brushed past him. I dropped my bag and looked around the lavish room. Sam, Artie, Craig, Brittany and Mike were all sprawled out across the room.

"I haven't seen her." I said facing Puck.

"Why the fuck not?" he asked. He was in his AC/DC briefs and a wife-beater.

"Do you mind putting some pants on before we talk?" I asked looking away.

"Actually I do. As the told the fellas last night, this is my hotel room and in my hotel room. I don't wear pants." Puck said grabbing an orange juice out of the mini fridge.

"Whatever Puck. I need to crash. I haven't really had any sleep." I said searching the room for a place to lay down.

"That guilt got you strung out?" he asked.

"What?" I asked angrily. "Why should I feel guilty about anything?"

"Oh I don't know maybe because you walked out on your wife and your friends in the middle of Thanksgiving." Sam muttered with his eyes shut.

"I thought you were still asleep." Puck said.

"I am asleep." Sam said shifting slightly. "But Finn's dulcet tone brought me into a state of semi-conscienceness."

"Look, I don't need this shit from you guys." I shouted causing everyone else to wake up.

"We're just trying to help." Sam said, his green eyes staring into mine. "Listen, I know what it's like having a wife and still caring about someone but at the end of the day, your wife is the one that will always be there for you. The one that is real. The one that wants to be with you because of the solid foundation of love and family that you have and not because of some crazy ex-girlfriend vendetta."

"That sounded really professional." Artie joked.

"I read a lot." Sam said shrugging.

"Guys. Isn't anyone even going to asked me how  _I'm_ doing? Aren't you at all concerned about where I went last night or why I left in the first place?" I yelled at them.

"We know where you went." Brittany said. "You went to see Papa Hummel. That's were we all go when we need grown up advice."

"Yeah, or Mr. Schue." Mike added.

"Yeah, I call an old teacher of mine, Mr. Simpson or my stepdad, Joey." Craig said. "They are seriously the greatest guys ever."

"Oh my God! Shut up!" I shouted. "Forget this!" I said grabbing my bag off the floor.

"Finn!" Puck called out to me once I reached the door. "Wait."

"Why? You guys only care about Evianna or yourselves." I said annoyed.

"You know that's not true dude." he said in a low tone. "But other than Craig, we've all seen this before."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You getting bent out of shape about something Rachel said and taking it out on whoever your with and the rest of us instead of asking Rachel to tell you everything and getting whole story, so you end up ruining everything."

"Puck, if it wasn't for Rachel, I would be unhappily married to Quinn. We would have done a horrible job raising Beth and I would still feel like I was a second class citizen in her presence." I said. "Rachel was only trying to help. To warn me. Don't blame her."

"I'm only blaming her because she's the one at fault." Puck said.

"You are blaming the wrong girl." I said softly. "Whatever dude. I'm gone." I said before I left the suite slamming the door shut behind me.


	10. We're in a marriage and you can't just run off like a silly little boy when you get bad news or whatever

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Finn spent a lot of time with me. We would hang out in my apartment and watch TV or we would take walks in the now snow covered streets. It was just like before.

"Finn?" I asked one night as I was making our dinner.

"Yeah." he answered in the doorway.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah why?"

"You've been quiet the past couple of days." I said.

"Just been thinking, you know." he replied with a crooked smile.

"Oh, are you getting nervous about going home?"

"No. Why should I be?" he asked.

"You shouldn't. I just wanted to make sure that you were ok with going." I said.

"Oh. Ok." he turned away from me. I watched him as he plopped into a chair in the living room. Finn had been very quiet for the past two weeks. Being with him was fun and I enjoyed it but he always looked at me like he was waiting for me to say something. But I couldn't tell him what I wanted to tell him. I couldn't tell him that after Christmas, he can have all of his stuff shipped back here and we can even have some of Drizzy's stuff brought up here too. That after everything comes out that he and his daughter have a place with me. Rachel, the love of his life.

Xx

Something has been weird these past two weeks. I guess it could be the fact that deep down I think that maybe Puck was right. Maybe Rachel is to blame for what happened. I mean I don't know for sure what Evi's conversation was about. I never stopped to ask. I just "pulled a Finn".

Shit. Were Santana and Puck right? I mean should I have just gone over to Kurt and Blaine's and talked to her? I know that I let my pride get the best of me but why is what I feel never important to anyone? Ok so maybe this wasn't the right battle to pick but I feel like it's time to go home. I have to fix all of this. I have to figure out what in my life is real and what isn't.

"Rach." I said as I went to the doorway of the kitchen. "I'm gonna go home."

"I know. We're going next week." she said without looking at me.

"No. I mean right now. I'm going home to my wife." I said. She looked at me and her eyes were sad for a moment.

"Ok. I'll help you pack." she said wiping her hands off.

"Are you ok?"

"Of course I am Finn. If you're ready to go home, I can't keep you here, even if I want you to stay."

"I want a lot of things but I guess we're both going to have to be disappointed." I said my eyes meeting hers. I had wanted her to say something, anything that would help me figure out what's real. I know that everyone is quick to blame Rachel but I know that she just wants me to be happy no matter what and I have always loved that about her. She gave me a weak smile and led me to the guestroom where I stayed and began helping me pack.

As we packed, whenever we would make eye contact she would give me a half smile. I needed her to just tell me what was hidden behind that smile. Was it something that would be the solution to all of my problems? Would it help me figure out what is going on with my wife? Is everything that I heard on Thanksgiving a lie or not? I know that that smile knew the truth but I also knew that I was never going to get that information. Not from Rachel.

Xxx

"Anybody here?" I called as I turned the key in front door of my home.

"Daddy!" Drizzy yelled as she ran and jumped into my arms.

"Hey Drizz. Where's you mom?" I asked hugging her .

"The guestroom." she answered as I put her back on the floor. My eyes moved toward the sound coming from the bedroom upstairs. I took the stairs and I stepped in the doorway.

"Evianna, what are you doing?" I asked as I watched her make the bed in a room she never goes into.

"I was getting the room ready for my husband." she said not looking at me.

"What?"

"Oh yeah, he spent the last two weeks living somewhere else so I figure he's used to it, hence the guestroom." she said looking up at me.

"I'm sorry about that but I didn't really want to talk to you." I said.

"Well you know what Finn, that's too damn bad.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Finn spent a lot of time with me. We would hang out in my apartment and watch TV or we would take walks in the now snow covered streets. It was just like before.

"Finn?" I asked one night as I was making our dinner.

"Yeah." he answered in the doorway.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah why?"

"You've been quiet the past couple of days." I said.

"Just been thinking, you know." he replied with a crooked smile.

"Oh, are you getting nervous about going home?"

"No. Why should I be?" he asked.

"You shouldn't. I just wanted to make sure that you were ok with going." I said.

"Oh. Ok." he turned away from me. I watched him as he plopped into a chair in the living room. Finn had been very quiet for the past two weeks. Being with him was fun and I enjoyed it but he always looked at me like he was waiting for me to say something. But I couldn't tell him what I wanted to tell him. I couldn't tell him that after Christmas, he can have all of his stuff shipped back here and we can even have some of Drizzy's stuff brought up here too. That after everything comes out that he and his daughter have a place with me. Rachel, the love of his life.

Xx

Something has been weird these past two weeks. I guess it could be the fact that deep down I think that maybe Puck was right. Maybe Rachel is to blame for what happened. I mean I don't know for sure what Evi's conversation was about. I never stopped to ask. I just "pulled a Finn".

Shit. Were Santana and Puck right? I mean should I have just gone over to Kurt and Blaine's and talked to her? I know that I let my pride get the best of me but why is what I feel never important to anyone? Ok so maybe this wasn't the right battle to pick but I feel like it's time to go home. I have to fix all of this. I have to figure out what in my life is real and what isn't.

"Rach." I said as I went to the doorway of the kitchen. "I'm gonna go home."

"I know. We're going next week." she said without looking at me.

"No. I mean right now. I'm going home to my wife." I said. She looked at me and her eyes were sad for a moment.

"Ok. I'll help you pack." she said wiping her hands off.

"Are you ok?"

"Of course I am Finn. If you're ready to go home, I can't keep you here, even if I want you to stay."

"I want a lot of things but I guess we're both going to have to be disappointed." I said my eyes meeting hers. I had wanted her to say something, anything that would help me figure out what's real. I know that everyone is quick to blame Rachel but I know that she just wants me to be happy no matter what and I have always loved that about her. She gave me a weak smile and led me to the guestroom where I stayed and began helping me pack.

As we packed, whenever we would make eye contact she would give me a half smile. I needed her to just tell me what was hidden behind that smile. Was it something that would be the solution to all of my problems? Would it help me figure out what is going on with my wife? Is everything that I heard on Thanksgiving a lie or not? I know that that smile knew the truth but I also knew that I was never going to get that information. Not from Rachel.

Xxx

"Anybody here?" I called as I turned the key in front door of my home.

"Daddy!" Drizzy yelled as she ran and jumped into my arms.

"Hey Drizz. Where's you mom?" I asked hugging her .

"The guestroom." she answered as I put her back on the floor. My eyes moved toward the sound coming from the bedroom upstairs. I took the stairs and I stepped in the doorway.

"Evianna, what are you doing?" I asked as I watched her make the bed in a room she never goes into.

"I was getting the room ready for my husband." she said not looking at me.

"What?"

"Oh yeah, he spent the last two weeks living somewhere else so I figure he's used to it, hence the guestroom." she said looking up at me.

"I'm sorry about that but I didn't really want to talk to you." I said.

"Well you know what Finn, that's too damn bad. We're in a marriage and you can't just run off like a silly little boy when you get bad news or whatever." she said her hands on her hips.

"Evi, you have no idea what I went through." I said entering into the room.

"What you...what you...are you serious Finn?" she shouted at me. "You weren't the one that had to explain to our daughter why her daddy didn't come home after Thanksgiving. You weren't the one that had to explain to the guys at the shop where the hell you've been this whole time."

"Do you think I was having a New York adventure?" I shouted back. "You don't think that it killed me to be away from Drizzy?"

"Apparently not bad enough to make you get your ass in gear and get back here. To your family."

"I had to think."

"Bullshit Finn. You left the fucking city and flew all the way home to talk to Dad." she said. "You did you're thinking. The next step was to talk to me about the situation but you didn't."

"Evianna, why don't you understand?"

"Because there is nothing to understand. I think that it's pretty cut and dry. You had a choice and you chose wrong and now you're sleeping in the guestroom." she said before leaving the room and leaving me all alone.

." she said her hands on her hips.

"Evi, you have no idea what I went through." I said entering into the room.

"What you...what you...are you serious Finn?" she shouted at me. "You weren't the one that had to explain to our daughter why her daddy didn't come home after Thanksgiving. You weren't the one that had to explain to the guys at the shop where the hell you've been this whole time."

"Do you think I was having a New York adventure?" I shouted back. "You don't think that it killed me to be away from Drizzy?"

"Apparently not bad enough to make you get your ass in gear and get back here. To your family."

"I had to think."

"Bullshit Finn. You left the fucking city and flew all the way home to talk to Dad." she said. "You did you're thinking. The next step was to talk to me about the situation but you didn't."

"Evianna, why don't you understand?"

"Because there is nothing to understand. I think that it's pretty cut and dry. You had a choice and you chose wrong and now you're sleeping in the guestroom." she said before leaving the room and leaving me all alone.


	11. Dudley Road

Dudley Road. I've never actually been on this road before. Mercedes' parents live close by but not on Dudley Road. I took a deep breath as I exited my rental car and approached the front door. The winter air was cold and it stung my face but I was willing to wait. Today was the day that I would get Finn back. I extended my gloved hand and rang the door bell.

"Merry Christmas." Judy Fabray slurred as she drunkenly pulled the door open.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Fabray." I said with a warm smile as I crossed the threshold into the warm house.

"Did you bring any wine?" she asked as she pushed the door shut.

"Uh no, but I did bring a traditional fruit cake." I said handing her the cellophane covered food.

"Oh. Pity. Well, I'll use it to prop the basement door open when I go down to get more wine." she said with a wide smile. "The rest of Quinnie's friends are in the living room." she said pointing with her wine filled glass, sloshing some on the hardwood floor. "Oops. Don't worry about it, Rachelle. Carlotta will get it." she smiled again and stumbled away before I could tell her my name was actually Rachel.

"Hey Rachel." Craig said from the sofa beside Kurt and Blaine who just waved as I entered into the loud living room.

"Hey guys." I said, looking around at the room's occupants. Dr. and Mrs. Chang stood over by the fireplace talking to Dr. and Mrs. Jones and Mr. and Mrs. Evans. My dads were seated on a leather loveseat chatting with Shelby and Mr. Schue. Mrs. Schuester was talking to Burt and Carol over by the Christmas tree. Puck and Quinn were swapping photos of Beth, who is now twenty years old. Beth was in deep conversation with Artie while Sugar sat in his lap and text. Sam, Mercedes, Brittany, Santana and Lauren were all just talking and enjoying a glass of wine. I handed my coat to the little maid that had followed me into the room.

"Hey Rachel." Tina said as she and Mike approached me holding the hands of a pretty little girl.

"Hey guys." I smiled. "Who's this?"

"This is Brenda." Mike said.

"Hi Brenda." I said kneeling down to her. "I'm Rachel."

"Hi." she said quietly.

"You're very pretty."

"Thank you." she said her tiny cheeks slightly blushing. "I'm five."

"No you're not!" I said. She's five years old. I had no idea that they had had another child. "Well you're a big girl, huh? Are you in school?"

"First grade. I'm gifted." she said sheepishly.

"Kids at her school tease her for being so smart." Tina said.

"Well that's because they don't know that being gifted is being apart of something special. And being apart of something special, makes you special" I said trying to hide the sadness in my voice. "I wanna give you something, ok?" she nodded her head and watched me as I dug around in my purse. "This is a gold star." I said pulling a gold star brooch out. "As long as you have a gold star everyone else will know your special." I said pinning it on her.

"Thank you Rachel." she said releasing her parents hands and wrapping her tiny arms around my neck.

"You're very welcome." I hugged her back and smiled up at Mike and Tina. They mouthed thank yous to me before taking Brenda back to her older brother Michael, who was now thirteen.

"Rachel, what are you doing here?" Kurt asked as he watched me pour myself a glass of wine.

"What?"

"Haven't you talked to Finn?" he asked his eyes wide.

"No, not for like a week. Why?" I said taking a sip.

"It's not mine to tell." Kurt said.

"Ok Kurt. So is that Delia?" I asked pointing to a chubby girl with long brown locks like Mercedes, beautiful cappuccino colored skin and piercing green eyes.

"Yeah. Annoying, isn't it?"

"What?"

"That a nine year old looks better than we do." Kurt joked.

"You're so bad." I laughed.

"She's my new spokespeople for my new KHummel kids line." he said smiling. "She looks amazing doesn't she?"

"Yeah. She does." I said half smiling. My mind was going a mile a minute. Had I really been this detached from my friends? Delia is nine, Will and Emma are thirteen, Christina Schuester is fourteen and apparently Santana and Brittany finally decided to go through with the artificial insemination by way Brittany was rubbing Santana's stomach. How did I miss so much?

X X X X

I woke up on Christmas in the guestroom. Evianna had been really serious about me sleeping on my own. Everyday since I had been home, we had conversations about why I had run out on Thanksgiving and why I had stayed in New York.

"I really am sorry about everything, Evi." I said as I joined her on the couch in the living room. "But you know my past and since Rachel and I kissed I figured Karma was just catching up to me."

"The kiss is whatever. You told me about it so I'm over it. I just don't get why you ran away without talking to me." Evianna said.

"I heard about you on the phone with a guy." I said quietly.

"What guy?"

"Some guy named Ricky."

"My brother's name is Ricky, remember?" she said rolling her eyes. "Who told you I was talking to him?"

"Does it matter?"

"Was it Rachel?"

"She was just looking out for me. She said that you were going to tell me that you were cheating on me on Christmas. She said that you called me dumb."

"Wow."

"She was just looking out for me." I said defensively.

"Bullshit Finn. If she was "looking out for you", she would have confronted me about the phone call she was eavesdropping on, instead of taking that as an opportunity to run to you and make up a story." Evi shouted.

"I don't know that she made it up and with the way you're acting I'm starting to believe her more and more." I shouted back.

"I was talking to my brother Finn." she said annoyed. "It was supposed to be a surprise but since that bitch ruined it; I might as well tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"Ricky, my brother, is going to be here any minute to surprise you for Christmas. I was telling him to leave his new boy toy Miguel at home because he's dumber than rocks." she said rising from the couch. "I love you Finn. More than anything but if you can honestly sit there and believe  _her_  over me then maybe you should be with her." I was shocked. I couldn't believe that she was saying that. I love my wife and I want to be with her.

"Evi." I said standing up in front of her. "I do believe you. A lot of things happened to me on Black Friday and now it's all making sense."

"Listen, if you want to be friends with Rachel, I can't stop you but If you choose her over me again, we're done." she said as he wrapped his arms around her. "I am no one's second choice."

"Never again baby."

"So what now?"

"Now I give her the chance to tell me the truth. That she didn't know what your conversation was about and she used that fact to try and break us apart."

"Do you honestly think you're going to get the truth out of her?" Evi questioned. "Tana and Mercy said she would die before admitting that she lied."

"Maybe to them, but it's different with me." I answered. "I'll handle it tomorrow at Mrs. Fabray's."

"I love you Finn." Evianna said her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He smiled down at her before he leaned down and kissed her passionately.

* * *

 

"Rachel?" Finn's voice said breaking me out of my head.

"Oh hey Finn." I said smiling up at him. "How have you been?"

"Great actually. Are you ok?" he said touching my shoulder.

"Uh, not really but you know what they say." I said blinking away tears.

"What?"

"The show must go on." I said with a laugh.

"Oh right, right." he smiled. "I'm here to talk if you want."

"I'm ok." I said. "So where's Drizzy?"

"She's coming. She got water on her new dress from Kurt and her and Evi ran up to the bathroom to dry it off." he answered waving to people around the room.

"Oh, Evianna's here." I said quietly.

"Yeah. She was invited." he answered as he poured two glasses of wine. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah I was just looking around at all things that I've missed. Kids and new pregnancies and God knows what else, I mean Finn have I really been that cut off from everything?" I said looking him in the eye.

"It's complicated Rachel." he said softly. "I mean, if you really want to know why you haven't met Brenda or DQ before today or why you didn't know Santana was pregnant, you should just ask."

"What's the point?" I said quickly wiping away an escaped tear. "I know it's because they hate me. They always have. It was you they loved. You were the only reason I was involved in their lives."

"That's not true Rachel."

"Then what's the truth?"

"Find out for yourself."

"No thank you." I said turning away from him.

"Speaking of the truth, when are you going to tell me the truth?" Finn questioned loudly.

"What?" I asked looking at him.

"Forget it." he said as he walked away from me and over to Puck.


	12. I walked to my car and out of their lives.

Finn was right. If I wanted to know why no one had bothered to include me in their lives than it was up to me to find out. I decided to wait until our parents had left the room before I approached anyone.

"Hey." I said walking over to Sam and Mercedes. "Can I ask you guys a question?"

"Sure Rachel." Sam said, glancing at his wife.

"Why do you hate me?"

"We don't hate you." Mercedes said.

"Then why didn't you invite me to Delia's birth?" I asked. "Kurt and Blaine both got invited but I didn't."

"Honestly, we just didn't want a lot of people around." Sam answered.

"Yeah, both of our parents, Stacey and Stevie, Mike and Tina, Quinn were already there. Kurt flew out and stayed with me for the last month of my pregnancy and then he called Blaine."Mercedes said.

"But Rachel why does it matter now?" Sam questioned. "It's been nine years."

"I was just wondering." I said giving them my best show face. "I'll talk to you guys later." I said. I walked away from them and toward Brittany and Santana. "Hey guys."

"Hi Rachel." Brittany said happily.

"Congratulations Santana." I said smiling.

"Thanks Berry." she said smiling back at me. "So what do you want?"

"How do you know I want something?" I asked.

"Because, you have no other reason to come talk to us, so what is it?"

"Why do you guys hate me?" I blurted out.

"I don't hate you." Brittany answered. "I love everyone in glee club."

"We're not the glee club anymore, Britt." Santana said.

"Yes we are." She said turning to look Santana in the eye. "Rachel said that we were all apart of something special. Special lasts forever."

"You're right." I said. "But you guys have had so much happen in your lives that I know nothing about. Why?"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe we just didn't want you around, Rachel?" Santana asked.

"Well, no."

"Why not?" Santana asked. "You cause senses and you make people listen to you sing. It's grating."

"I just want you all to like me."

"People might like you a little more, if you weren't always assuming that they are jealous of your talent." Brittany said. "We didn't care in high school, Rachel. We don't care now." I was shocked that Brittany has said that to me. She was always so sweet but she  _was_  always very blunt. I gave them both a weak smile and walked over to Quinn and Puck.

"Rachel before you ask, Lauren and I don't hate you. But you don't like professional wrestling and you've made it clear that you hate my band so why would I invite you to anything that has to do with us?" Puck said.

"How did you know I was going to ask you that?" I asked.

"Sam text me." he said nonchalantly.

"Oh." I whispered.

"I don't hate you either Rachel." Quinn said. "We've just...drifted apart."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. It happens." Quinn smiled at me but I knew that smile. It was the same fake smile she gave when she lied or she wanted the person talking to her to stop. I smiled back and made my way over to Tina and Mike.

"I'm guessing you know why I'm here." I said.

"Yeah and Rachel," Mike began. "We don't hate you. I mean, Tina did for a while but I never hated you. I thought you were a little controlling and abrasive and maybe a little psycho at times but I never hated you."

"I...I..." I stuttered. "Thank you for your honesty, Mike." I said. I blinked quickly and smiled at the both of them. I turned away from them and mapped out my exit. I didn't want to talk to anyone else. There was no need to. I wasn't wanted at this party, so it was time to make my exit. I placed my glass of wine down on the table and pulled out my cell phone. I noticed Quinn was watching me. I put on a big smile and approached her. "Quinn could you tell your mom that I'm sorry I had to leave but I have to get back to New York. There is a callback for a show that I'm up for and it got moved to today." I lied. "The director is Jewish and kinda of a hardass and I really want this part."

"Oh. Ok. I'll let her know. What about your dads?" she asked.

"I'll call them on the road." I answered. "Thanks again, Quinn. Merry Christmas." I rushed out of the room before she could say anything. As I was in the hallway pulling my coat on I heard my name. Turning I see Drizzy running toward me.

"Hi Rachel." she said throwing her arms around me.

"Hi Drizzy." I said looking at Evianna.

"Where ya going?" the little girl asked.

"I have to go to work." I said kneeling down in front of her.

"Are you going to do  _Funny Girl_?" she asked her fingers twisting my hair.

"No, this is something brand new." I said. "How do you know about  _Funny Girl_?"

"Daddy bought it for me." she answered. "Are you coming back?"

"No. I'm sorry." I said. I was shocked. I couldn't believe that Finn has bought the DVD version of the show. He had never come to see it in person but he had bought it as something to share with his daughter.

"Oh." Drizzy said sadly. "Well when I come to um, New York this summer, can we sing  _Don't Rain on My Parade_  together?"

"Of course." I said, fighting back my tears.

"Yes!" she said wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I hugged her back and quickly wiped my tears away. "Well, I'll see you later, Rachel." she said before she ran back to her mother. I stood up and glanced back at the room where the New Directions were. They didn't need me and I suddenly was ashamed that it took me nineteen years to see that they were friends, that they were family, that they were the New Directions with  _or_  without me.

When Finn caught my eye, I turned my back. I quickly buttoned my coat, shoved my gloved hands in my pockets and as the tears streamed down my face, I walked to my car and out of their lives.


	13. I've been changed for the better because I knew them.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I'm still reeling from the loss of Cory but Finn is important, (he always was to me) so this story and others needed to be finished and worked on. Anyway, this story has had a title change. I changed the song so I had to change the title. This story is important for me to put up and finish because it leaves opening for a new story I've been working on about Finn. In the beginning of this story there are 10 years unaccounted for about his life. I love my Finn, so I'm working hard on that. It's called Whole Again. Please check it out.
> 
> And as always, COMMENTS, KUDOS, BOOKMARKS and SUBSCRIPTIONS = LOVE!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN Turning Tables by Adele

A few months later, I was sitting on my bed checking my email and there was one from Finn. I hadn't spoken to him in a while so I was surprised to be hearing from him. I opened it and inside was a video. I steeled myself and clicked play.

 _"Hi, Rachel." Finn's voice said. He was standing in a room with wooden paneling. "I know that everything is kinda messed up between us right now but I feel like I owe you some kind of...explanation I guess." he paused for a moment before he began again. "When I left 10 years ago I was...broken. I felt completely unappreciated and unloved. I know that you love me Rachel but it wasn't in the way I needed to be loved. You loved the fact that you could drag me to this party or to that party without argument. You loved that I was something you could show off to your NYADA and Broadway friends. I was a star high school quarterback and I was the heir to a successful auto garage and whatever else you'd think to say. But what you didn't get was that I wanted more than that. I wanted to be Finn Hudson. One you could be actually proud of and not one that you had to make shit up about." he took a deep breath and looked directly at the camera as he spoke. "But I didn't want to be a trophy any more. I wanted to be your equal but you couldn't see that. All you saw was that I was tall, dark and handsome and that was enough for you. That's why I left. But if I was being completely honest Rachel, if you had followed me to Lima and even gave me just a half-assed apology, we would probably be together right now. But after about a month and I didn't hear from you, I moved on."_  I paused the video as my breath caught in my throat at those words. For ten years, I waited for Finn to come back to me and all I had to do was to go to Ohio and bring him back. I blinked away tears and started the video again.  _"I know that when we were in high school you thought it was easiest to express your feelings or whatever with a song. So, I need you to listen to me and know that I mean every single word."_ I watched as the video panned out and a grand piano came into view and Tina began to play a soft melody. Finn shifted from one foot to the other and I watched as he closed his eyes and began to sing softly.

" **Close enough to start a war**

**All that I have is on the floor**

**God only knows what we're fighting for**

**All that I say**

**You always say more**

**I can't keep up with your turning tables under your thumb I can't breathe.**

**So I won't let you close enough to hurt me**

**No I won't ask you, you to just desert me**

**I can't give you, what you think you gave me**

**It's time to say goodbye**

**To turning tables**

**To turning tables-"**

The sincerity in Finn's voice made me want to cry. Had I really been so blind to everything? It was hard to believe that Finn actually felt this way. I took yet another deep breath and kept listening.

" **Under haunted skies I see you**

**Where love is lost, your ghost is found**

**I braved a hundred storms to leave you**

**As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked do-wn**

I watched his sincere brown eyes looked straight into the camera and at me. Did I really hurt him that bad? How long had I been hurting him? Am I really as horrible as everyone always told me I was?

**I can't keep up with your turning tables under your thumb I can't breath."**

**I won't let you close enough to hurt me**

**No I won't ask you, you to just desert me**

**I can't give you, what you think you gave me**

**It's time to say goodbye**

**To turning tables**

**Turning tables-"**

My mind was reeling as I watched Finn continue to sing. His face was sad and he had glassy eyes. I knew that he meant what he was singing to me. I knew that Finn would never have picked the song if he didn't. I was dreading the rest but I kept watching.

" **Next time I'll be braver**

**I'll be my own savior**

**When...the thunder calls for me**

**Next time I'll be braver**

**I'll be my own savior**

**Standing...on my own two feet-"**

I paused the video. I looked at the frozen Finn and I tried to figure out where in the course of our relationship I changed. I made the only man I truly loved feel like less of man. Like he was some kind of prize that I won. I made him feel like he wasn't his own person. How could I do that? I dried the few tears that had fallen and started the video again.

" **I won't let you close enough to hurt me**

**No I won't ask you, you to just desert me**

**I can't give you, what you think you gave me**

**It's time to say goodbye-**

**To turning tables**

**To turning tables-**

**Turning tables-ye-ah**

**Ohhhhh**

**Turning-ohhh yeah"**

When the video ended, Finn stood there for a moment before he dried his eyes on his shirt sleeve. I watched as he hugged Tina before she exited the room out of a door behind him.

_"Rachel, things between you and I are different now. They just are but I can't lie to you and tell you that I don't want to be friends with you because I do. I just...I need to know that you can respect what I have with my wife. I found happiness Rach, real happiness and it's not fair that you want to take it from me." Finn said before he paused for a moment. "Listen, the Finn that I've become is the man that my mom raised me to be. The man that Burt and Mr. Schue helped me to become. I've only gotten better as a person because of Evianna. I want you to get to know this man. He not the same guy that got jealous of Jesse St. James or the guy that was that was too impulsive and stupid at Nationals our Junior year and cost the New Directions everything. I can't be that guy anymore. I can't be jealous, impulsive or stupid. I have two important women in my life and I am never going to do anything to ever hurt them." he stopped again and I could tell he was a little bit angry. "I hurt Evi more than I ever wanted to when I stayed with you in New York instead of being a man and trying to fix what was...well..." Finn paused and looked directly in the camera. "Fix what was broken by you. Rachel I forgive you for what you did but you caused a lot of damage in my marriage and our friendship. And yes, I want to be friends with you but not until I am in a good place with my wife again. I hope that this video makes sense and that you actually listened to every_ _thing_ _that I said. My life is different and if you can't handle that and all of it's nuances, then I guess this is goodbye."_

Then the video went black. I didn't know what to do or say but I knew that losing Finn was not an option. I knew that I would never have him for myself again but having Finn Hudson as a friend was better than nothing.

* * *

 

**8 Months Later**

"Oh my God Kurt, I'm on my way." I said as I rushed down the crowded New York street pulling my pink suitcase behind me.

"You're late Rachel. Blaine's waiting." Kurt said haughtily into the phone.

"I know. I had a late rehearsal and I overslept. I'm literally running up the stairs of your building."

"You better be."

"I am, just open the door." As I reached the landing of the eighth floor, I ran to the end of the hallway and knocked.

"It's about time Rachel." Kurt said as he pulled the door open wide enough for me to come in. "As soon as Blaine makes his final KHummel bow tie selections we'll be ready to go."

"Who's meeting us?" I asked as I rested on my suitcase, slightly out of breath.

"Mercedes and Sam." he answered. "Did you really only bring one bag?"

"Yes, Kurt. I'm only going to be in L.A. for a week." I laughed.

"Well so am I but I honestly don't think I could live with just one bag." Kurt said pushing his three suitcases to the door.

"That's why you over-packed and had to pay extra." Blaine said as he pulled his plaid suitcase out of the bedroom. "Hi Rachel."

"Hi."

"Are you guys ready?" Kurt questioned as he held the door open for us. Blaine and I simply nodded and headed out of the building.

* * *

 

"Did you really clear this with Finn?" Kurt asked as we stepped off the plane in L.A.

"Yes, but if I hadn't don't you think that asking me now would be a little to late?" I asked as we walked toward Sam and Mercedes. They hugged and greeted us and we left the airport. Kurt was right to ask me if I cleared my being in L.A. with the New Directions with Finn. I had taken everything that he said in that video to heart and I spent the last eight months not only trying to fix my friendship with him but with the entire glee club.

Rachel Berry was a new woman and although it's taken a lot to for me to keep the scheming, pushy, bossy, solo grubbing, gold star loving, carousal horse sweater wearing Rachel at bay, I knew that's what it would take to make everything right. I thought that in order to achieve my goals I had to be all of those things until I finally got to New York and the carousal horse sweaters fell away and then the gold stars. It took ten years and a heartfelt video from, the person I now consider my best friend, to make me see that all the things that were left of the old Rachel weren't good things.

As me, Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Mercedes entered into Quinn's plush apartment, I looked around at my peers, who were genuinely happy to see me and realized that I've been changed for the better because I knew them.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: AGAIN, I REPEAT: IF YOU ARE A RACHEL AND/OR FINCHEL STAN DO NOT CONTINUE TO THE NEXT CHAPTER. THERE IS NOTHING THERE FOR YOU. DO NOT SEND ME ANY COMMENTS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE "HATE" THAT RACHEL IS GETTING THROUGHOUT THE STORY OR ABOUT MY ROMANTICIZING OF FINN. I DON'T CARE AND THE STORY IS COMPLETE. AND EVEN IF IT WASN'T I WOULDN'T CHANGE THE DIRECTION OF MY STORY.


End file.
